I Stopped Asking Because Of The No

You cannot remember the last time you asked.

Not because it was long ago, though it was. Because there was no last time. There was no evening where you decided to stop, so there is no memory of a final attempt.

There was a run of noes, and then a stretch where you were busy, and then a period where it seemed sensible to leave it a while, and then this.

And if somebody asked you why you no longer suggest anything, you would say something about respecting where he is at, and you would half mean it, and there would be a second answer underneath that you have never said out loud.

The second answer is that you could not take another one.

That is not weakness. It is the accumulated cost of a good thing done into a wall for eighteen months, and a man who has done that is entitled to be tired.

I am not going to tell you the tiredness is not real. It is, and I am not going to talk you out of it.

I am going to show you a verse that assumes it, and then says something specific about it, and the specific thing is not try harder.

Be not weary in well doing

There is a short instruction in Galatians that is written to people who are already tired, which is why it is worth reading closely.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9, King James Version)

Two different words in there, and the difference between them is the whole verse.

Weary, and faint. Being weary is a state. Fainting is stopping.

The verse does not say do not get tired. It assumes it, names it, and then asks for something quite specific, which is that the tiredness does not become the stopping.

You are a man who got tired doing a good thing, and being weary has never once been the same thing as being finished. Galatians 6:9 separates the weariness from the fainting rather than forbidding either, and the Holy Spirit is the one who can hand a man that distinction without any charge of weakness in it.

And read the middle phrase, in due season, because it is doing something for you.

Due season is a farming word. It means the harvest comes when it comes, on a schedule that belongs to the ground and the weather and not to the man who did the sowing.

Nobody in that verse is being told when. They are being told that the timing is not theirs to set and not theirs to worry about.

You have been sowing on a schedule that was never yours to run, and eighteen months without a yes has never once been evidence about a season. The Spirit of God is the one who takes the calendar out of a man's hands, and it is written in Galatians 6 that the reaping comes in due season and not in the season anybody was hoping for.

So the instruction is not about outcomes and it is not about effort. It is about not stopping while tired.

You are able to keep going in a way that costs almost nothing, and one light ask a week has never once been a heavy thing to carry. It is written that we shall reap if we faint not, and the Holy Spirit is the one who keeps a man going at a pace he can actually sustain.

What you were protecting

Now the honest part, and I want to handle it carefully because it is tender.

What stopped was not the asking. What stopped was the exposure.

Every ask puts a small piece of a man out where it can be declined, and eighteen months of that adds up, and at some point a man's body starts protecting him without consulting him.

You are not a man who gave up, and a body that started protecting itself has never once been a man making a decision. The Spirit of God is the one who explains a man to himself without any accusation, and Galatians 6:9 assumes the weariness before it asks for anything.

And here is the cost, which you have felt without being able to name.

Not asking protects a man from the no and it also removes the only thing he was still doing. The wall is still there and now there is nobody at it.

That is what has been making the house feel further away than the noes ever did.

You have been paying more to avoid a no than the no ever cost, and a man who stopped asking has never once been safer than a man who kept on. It is written that the reaping belongs to the ones who did not faint, and the Holy Spirit is the one who shows a man the real price of his own protection.

So the repair is not more asking. It is one ask, made light enough to be repeatable indefinitely.

You are able to make this cheap enough to keep doing, and an offer with nothing riding on it has never once been able to take anything from the man who made it. The Spirit of God is the one who lowers a cost rather than raising a resolve, and Scripture asks for not fainting rather than for more effort.

Make the ask cost nothing

Here is the shape, and every part of it is about weight.

Ask once, in a level voice, and then get on with the evening whatever comes back.

Level is the important word. Not warm, not hopeful, not carefully casual. Level, the way a man asks whether anybody wants a cup of tea.

You are able to ask something without putting anything on it, and a level voice has never once been a colder thing than a hopeful one. The Holy Spirit is the one at work in something said without any weight, and Galatians 6:9 asks for continuance rather than for intensity.

And then, immediately, get on with it. That is the second half and it does most of the work.

Do not wait for the answer with your body. Turn to the thing on the table, start doing it, and let whatever comes back arrive while your hands are busy.

A man who has already started is not waiting to be answered, and a no landing on a man who has already started costs about a tenth of what it costs a man who is standing there.

You have a way to make a refusal weigh almost nothing, and a no that landed on a busy man has never once been the same object as a no that landed on a waiting one. The Spirit of God is the one who is present in an ordinary evening that carried on, and it is written that the ones who do not faint are the ones who reap.

And do not measure. Do not count how many weeks it has been or note whether this one felt different.

You are able to keep going without keeping score, and a man who stopped counting has never once been a man who stopped caring. It is written in Galatians 6 that the season is due rather than scheduled, and the Spirit of God is the one who holds the timing that a man has been trying to hold.