There is a moment now, just before you offer, where you can hear yourself.
You know exactly how it is going to sound. You know the answer. And there is a fraction of a second where a woman stands in her own kitchen feeling like somebody performing an act for an audience that has stopped watching.
That is a new development. It was not there a year ago.
And it is the thing most likely to make you stop, which is why I want to look straight at it. Not the noes. The embarrassment.
You could survive the refusals indefinitely. Nobody stops because of a no. People stop because of the feeling that arrives four seconds before the asking, and that feeling has a specific name, and the name is not weakness.
The name is exposure, and it is the price of being the one in the house who keeps trying.
I am not going to tell you it will stop feeling like that. It might not.
I am going to give you a way to hold the feeling that does not require it to go away first.
We are fools for Christ's sake
There is a line in Corinthians where Paul makes a comparison that is meant to sting and is also, oddly, comforting.
We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honorable, but we are despised. (1 Corinthians 4:10, King James Version)
He does not deny the description. That is the first thing.
He does not say we look foolish but we are not. He accepts the word entirely and then names what it is for.
You are a woman doing something that costs her, and looking foolish has never once been the same thing as being foolish. 1 Corinthians 4:10 accepts the appearance and attaches a reason to it, and the Holy Spirit is the one who can hand a woman that without any suggestion that the feeling is silly.
And notice the phrase for Christ's sake, because that is the whole of the verse's work.
The foolishness is not a defect in Paul. It is a position he occupies for something, and the something is worth it, and that is what makes the position bearable rather than humiliating.
You have been feeling something and misreading what it means, and a woman who looks ridiculous for the right reason has never once been diminished by it. The Spirit of God is the one who reframes a feeling without removing it, and it is written in 1 Corinthians 4 that the foolishness had a purpose and was named without apology.
And look at what is being contrasted. Wise, strong, honorable on one side. Foolish, weak, despised on the other.
Paul puts himself on the second side deliberately, and it is not resignation. It is a description of what happens to somebody who keeps offering something to people who are not currently receiving it.
You are standing exactly where somebody who keeps offering ends up, and a position that feels undignified has never once been the wrong position to be in. It is written that we are fools for Christ's sake, and the Holy Spirit is the one who tells a woman what her own kitchen floor actually is.
Who is watching
Now the practical part, and it will help more than any encouragement.
Ask who the audience is. Genuinely ask, and then look at the answer.
There is a room in your head in which you look ridiculous, and there is a person in it, and it is worth finding out who.
You are performing for somebody who is not in the house, and an audience in a person's head has never once been the room she was standing in. The Spirit of God is the one who empties a room a woman did not know she had built, and 1 Corinthians 4:10 names an actual watching world rather than an imagined one.
Because it is not your children. That is worth saying plainly.
Your fifteen year old does not think his mother is ridiculous for asking. He thinks about it for approximately one second and then thinks about something else. He is not keeping a tally and he is not building a picture.
You have an audience of one and it is you, and a household has never once been the source of the embarrassment somebody feels in front of it. It is written in 1 Corinthians 4 that the despising came from a watching world, and the Holy Spirit is the one who tells a woman which room she is actually in.
And knowing that does not make the feeling go, which I want to be honest about.
The feeling is not produced by evidence and it will not be dismissed by evidence. What knowing does is change what the feeling is allowed to decide.
You are able to feel something and let it decide nothing, and an emotion has never once been entitled to run a household. The Spirit of God is the one who separates a feeling from a decision, and Scripture has a man accept a humiliating description and carry on regardless.
Do it feeling exactly as you feel
Here is the instruction, and it deliberately does not ask you to feel better.
Offer once more tonight, feeling exactly as ridiculous as you feel, and do it anyway.
Do not wait until it feels natural. Do not work yourself up to it. Feel the four seconds, and then say the sentence in the middle of them.
You are able to speak while feeling exposed, and a sentence said by somebody who felt foolish has never once been a smaller sentence than one said in confidence. The Holy Spirit is the one at work while a woman is uncomfortable, and 1 Corinthians 4:10 has a man say we are fools without ever asking to feel otherwise.
And keep it short, which helps with the exposure more than anything else.
A long sentence gives the feeling more time to be felt. Seven words and then turn back to what you were doing.
You have a way to shorten the four seconds, and a brief offer has never once been a colder offer than a careful one. The Spirit of God is the one who works in something said quickly, and it is written that the position was named plainly rather than explained.
Then let it go entirely, whatever comes back.
You are able to survive the whole of this in about eleven seconds, and one no has never once been able to reach a woman who has already turned round. It is written in 1 Corinthians 4 that Paul kept writing to people who thought little of him, and the Spirit of God is the one at work in the eleven seconds after an offer.
So this is what I believe is going out over a woman who has started hearing herself.
You are a woman doing something that costs her, and looking foolish has never once been the same thing as being foolish. I am not telling you the feeling goes. 1 Corinthians 4:10 says we are fools for Christ's sake, and it is the Holy Spirit and not my saying so who has kept you offering long past the point where it was comfortable.
And this, which is the word I came with:
You have been standing where the ones who keep offering always stand, and an undignified position has never once been an unfaithful one. Scripture names the foolishness and attaches a reason to it rather than denying it, and the Spirit of God is the one who lets a woman be uncomfortable and speak anyway.
Feel it. Say it. Turn back to the counter.
Declare this over yourself
- Four seconds before I open my mouth, you are exposure and you were never once evidence about the woman standing there. 1 Corinthians 4:10 says we are fools for Christ's sake, so by the Holy Spirit I speak in the middle of you tonight, in the name of Jesus.
- Fear of looking ridiculous in my own kitchen, you have never once been able to name who is watching. The written word accepts the description and attaches a reason to it, and by the Spirit of God I say seven words and turn back to the counter.
- Father, You had a man call himself a fool for Your sake and never once ask to feel otherwise. Your word says it in 1 Corinthians 4, so by Your Spirit I keep offering in a room where it costs me something.
1 Corinthians 4:10
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