He Asked Why I Always Lose

He asked you straight out and you did not have an answer ready.

Why do you always lose. Said flatly, without any accusation in it, in the middle of putting things away.

And you said something about being out of practice, and he accepted it, and you have been thinking about it every day since.

Because he was not asking about your ability. He has watched you do this for about six years and he has worked something out, and the question was him checking.

Here is what he now knows: something has been happening at that table that was not what it looked like.

And you have a decision in front of you that a lot of fathers never get offered, which is whether to tell him the truth about six years of your own kindness.

I am not going to tell you the six years were wrong. They came from love and they did what they were meant to do at the time.

I am going to help you answer a direct question from a ten year old, because that question is a gift and it does not stay open for long.

Thou desirest truth in the inward parts

There is a line in Psalm 51 about where God actually wants truth to be, and the location is unexpected.

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. (Psalm 51:6, King James Version)

Truth in the inward parts. Not truth in the visible ones.

The psalm is not talking about honesty in public statements. It is talking about the alignment of the inside of a person with what is actually the case.

You are a man with a true answer available, and six years of losing on purpose has never once put an honest sentence out of reach. Psalm 51:6 puts the desire for truth in the interior rather than in the performance, and the Holy Spirit is the one who can hand a man that without a word against six years of kindness.

And notice the second half, because it is a promise rather than a demand.

In the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. The knowing gets given, in the hidden part, by God.

You have been given something you can hand over, and a man who does not know what to say has never once been a man with nothing true in him. The Spirit of God is the one who supplies wisdom in the hidden part rather than requiring it, and it is written in Psalm 51 that the making to know is His work.

And here is why this verse belongs to your Tuesday.

For six years the inside and the outside of that table have not matched. That is not a moral failure and nobody was harmed. But your son has now noticed, and there is an opportunity to bring the two into line in about two sentences.

You are able to line up the inside and the outside in two sentences, and six years of a gap has never once been too much to close in one evening. It is written that He desires truth in the inward parts, and the Holy Spirit is the one at work in a man about to say something plain.

What to actually say

Now the practical part, and I am going to be specific, because a man in this position will want the words.

Two sentences. What you did, and why. Nothing else.

I have been letting you win for a long time, because you were small and I wanted you to enjoy it. You are not small any more, so I am going to stop.

You are able to say something plainly to a ten year old, and two honest sentences have never once been too heavy for a child to carry. The Holy Spirit is the one at work in something said plainly, and Psalm 51:6 puts the truth on the inside where it can be brought out.

And notice what is not in those two sentences.

No apology. You did nothing wrong and apologizing would tell him that six years of being loved was a mistake.

No lesson. Do not attach a moral about honesty or about growing up. It is a fact about what happened, and it is enough on its own.

You have permission to state something without dressing it, and a plain fact has never once needed a lesson attached to it. The Spirit of God is the one who keeps a sentence clean, and it is written that the truth wanted is in the inward parts rather than in a speech.

And the second sentence is the one that matters most, because it is about what happens now.

You are not small any more, so I am going to stop. That tells him something enormous about himself, in a form he can carry, and it is the actual answer to the question he asked.

You are able to answer a question about the past with something about him, and one sentence about what happens next has never once been a small thing to hear at ten. The Holy Spirit is the one who lets a man make a change and announce it in the same breath, and Psalm 51 puts the wisdom in the hidden part as a gift.

Then play the next round properly

Here is the second half, and it has to happen the same evening.

Answer the question, and then play the next round properly.

Not next week. The next round. Because a sentence followed immediately by the thing it described is a sentence that gets believed.

You are able to prove something in four minutes, and a round played honestly after an honest sentence has never once been a hard round for anybody. The Spirit of God is the one at work in something said and then done, and it is written that God desires the truth in the inward parts where the change actually happens.

And he will probably lose it, and that is the whole point.

Losing to a father who has just told him the truth about six years is not the same event as losing to a father who has been quietly managing him. It is being taken seriously, and a ten year old knows the difference immediately.

You have something to give him that a win never was, and being played properly has never once been a colder gift than being let through. The Holy Spirit is the one who is present in a loss that meant something, and Psalm 51:6 puts the truth where it changes a person.

And say the kind thing afterward, about what he actually did.

You are able to be truthful and warm in the same four minutes, and a specific sentence after a loss has never once been a consolation prize. It is written in Psalm 51 that the wisdom comes in the hidden part, and the Spirit of God is the one at work at a table where the inside and the outside finally match.