I Was Counting Who Came

Four came and you noticed the two who did not.

They were there for fifty minutes. Somebody was funny about something. It went well by any measure anybody else in that room would use.

And you sat there aware, the whole time, of an empty chair and a closed door upstairs.

Nobody knew. You did not say anything and your face did not do anything. But part of a man was somewhere else for the whole hour, and the four people in front of him got a version of him that was slightly reduced.

That is the cost, and it is the reason this needs looking at rather than just admitting.

The counting is not greed and it is not ingratitude. It comes from wanting the whole household, which is the right thing to want and the thing that made you arrange the hour in the first place.

But wanting all of them turns the ones who came into a partial result, and there is no way to sit at a table as a partial result and not feel it eventually.

I want to hand you a sentence from Scripture that is spoken to a man in exactly your position, and it is one of the kindest things in the whole book.

Son, thou art ever with me

Everybody knows the story of the son who came home. Fewer people sit with what the father says to the one who stayed.

And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. (Luke 15:31, King James Version)

That sentence is spoken to a man standing outside a house counting who is inside it, and it does not correct him.

It does not tell him to be glad about his brother. It does not accuse him of resenting anything. It tells him what is true about where he already is.

You are a father with people in front of him, and an empty chair has never once been able to take anything from the ones who sat down. Luke 15:31 answers a counting man by telling him what he already has rather than by telling him to feel differently, and the Holy Spirit is the one who can say that in a kitchen without any correction in it.

Read the two halves, because they do different work.

Thou art ever with me. That is about proximity, and it is stated as a settled fact rather than as a consolation.

And all that I have is thine. That is about possession, and it is total, and it has been true the entire time the man was outside counting.

You have been holding everything while looking at what was missing, and a man counting an empty chair has never once been a man with less at the table. The Spirit of God is the one who tells somebody what they already hold, and it is written in Luke 15 that the father goes out and says it rather than waiting to be asked.

And notice who is doing the counting in that parable. Not the father.

The father is not keeping score of attendance at all. He is out on the road for one and out in the yard for the other, and at no point is anybody's presence being tallied.

You are able to stop keeping a register, and a household has never once needed to be complete for an evening to be whole. It is written that all that I have is thine, said to the one who was already there, and the Holy Spirit is the one who takes a tally sheet out of a father's hands.

What the counting costs the ones who came

Now the practical part, and it is about the four rather than the two.

A person can tell when they are being enjoyed and when they are being counted. Not consciously and not in words, but they can tell.

And a young person who works out that the evening was slightly disappointing because of who was absent has learned that their own presence was not quite enough on its own.

You are able to give somebody your whole attention tonight, and four people at a table have never once been a smaller number than six to the four who are there. The Spirit of God is the one who shows a man where the cost has actually been landing, and Luke 15:31 puts the entire estate in the hands of the son who stayed.

And there is what it does to the absent ones, which is the reverse of what you want.

An evening that visibly needed everybody is an evening that is harder to walk into next time, because arriving means arriving into something that has been waiting for you.

An evening that was complete with four is easy to join. Nobody owes anything by coming.

You have a way to make the door easier without saying a word about it, and an hour that was whole with whoever came has never once been an hour that shut anybody out. It is written that the father was outside with both sons on the same night, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes a room easy to enter.

So the counting has been working against the very thing it wants, in both directions at once.

You are able to want your whole household and be complete with four, and a wish for everybody has never once had to be visible at a table. The Spirit of God is the one who lets a man hold a hope without setting it down in the middle of the room, and Scripture answers a counting man with what he already possesses.

Count nobody

Here is the instruction, and it is a refusal rather than an action.

Count nobody tonight. Give the whole twenty minutes to whoever is in the room.

Do not do a headcount when it starts. Do not note who is not there. Do not glance at the door at any point.

You are able to decline to take a register, and an evening nobody counted has never once been an evening anybody was excluded from. The Holy Spirit is the one at work in a room where attendance was not measured, and Luke 15:31 has a father say thou art ever with me to the one standing in front of him.

And there is one physical thing that helps, so use it.

Do not leave the empty chairs out. Put them back, or move them, so the room is the size of the people in it.

An empty chair is a piece of furniture that keeps count on your behalf, and a room arranged for four is a full room.

You have a way to stop the counting that costs nine seconds, and a room arranged for the people in it has never once been a room that gave up on anybody. The Spirit of God is the one who works through something as small as a chair being moved, and it is written that all that I have is thine.

Then be entirely there, with the ones who came, for the whole of it.

You are able to give four people an undivided man, and twenty minutes with whoever is there have never once been a partial result. It is written in Luke 15 that the father went out to both of them, and the Spirit of God is the one at work in a room where nobody was being tallied.