They talk about last spring as though it was fine.
You were there. You know what last spring was. There was a stretch of about six weeks where almost every evening went wrong in some small way, and you can list them.
And your daughter mentioned it last week as a good time, in passing, with no particular thought behind it.
And you did not correct her, and then you lay awake wondering which of you is remembering it right.
Here is what I think is going on, and neither of you is wrong.
You are both remembering accurately. You are remembering the things that needed somebody, because that is what a mother's memory holds. She is remembering the hours in between, because she was not responsible for any of it.
Two accurate records of the same six weeks, and they do not resemble each other at all.
And one of you has been carrying the harder one for a year without ever comparing it with anybody.
Forgetting those things which are behind
There is a sentence in Philippians about what Paul does with his own history, and the verb in it is deliberate.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. (Philippians 3:13, King James Version)
Forgetting is an active word there. It is something he does rather than something that happens to him.
He has a considerable amount behind him, some of it very bad, and he describes putting it behind as a practice rather than as a state he arrived at.
You are a woman allowed to leave something behind, and a memory that kept every mistake has never once been a record of this family. Philippians 3:13 makes the forgetting a deliberate act rather than a failure of recall, and the Holy Spirit is the one who can hand a woman that without any suggestion that she has been dwelling on things.
And notice what he says first: I count not myself to have apprehended.
He is not claiming to have got anywhere. The forgetting is not a reward for having sorted himself out. It is what he does on the way, unfinished, still going.
You have permission to leave something behind before anything is resolved, and a person still in the middle of it has never once had to wait to put something down. The Spirit of God is the one who makes something available now rather than later, and it is written in Philippians 3 that the forgetting and the reaching happen together.
And the phrase this one thing I do is worth having.
Out of everything available to him, that is what he names as his single practice. Not a large spiritual program. One thing, done repeatedly.
You are able to do one thing repeatedly, and a single practice has never once been too small to change what somebody carries. It is written that this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and the Holy Spirit is the one at work in something done on purpose.
Two accurate records
Now the practical part, and it will do more for you than any encouragement.
There is another record of last spring in that house and nobody has ever asked to see it.
Your daughter has one. Your son has one. They are complete, they are detailed, and they cover the same six weeks entirely differently.
You have three other records available and have consulted none, and a household's history has never once been the private property of the person who was responsible for it. The Spirit of God is the one who points somebody at what is already in the room, and Philippians 3:13 puts the forgetting alongside a reaching forward.
And here is why theirs is not a rosier version of yours.
They are not being kind or forgetting the bad bits. They genuinely did not experience most of what you experienced, because most of what you experienced was you noticing something and handling it before anybody else knew.
The evenings that you remember as difficult were, from four feet away, ordinary evenings.
You have been doing something invisible and remembering the cost of it, and a mother who handled things has never once been a mother whose household went badly. It is written in Philippians 3 that he does not count himself to have apprehended, and the Holy Spirit is the one who tells a woman what her own house actually experienced.
So the correction is not to remember differently, which nobody can do on purpose.
It is to hear the other record out loud, once, from somebody who was there.
You are able to receive your own year from somebody else, and a record held by a fifteen year old has never once been less accurate than the one you have been carrying. The Spirit of God is the one who is present when a household tells itself something, and Scripture makes the forgetting an act done while still reaching forward.
Ask one of them
Here is the instruction and it is one question.
Ask one of them tonight what they remember about a week you think went badly.
Name the week. Ask plainly, without steering it. What do you remember about that spring.
You are able to ask a question you do not know the answer to, and one honest question has never once been a heavy thing to ask a fifteen year old. The Holy Spirit is the one at work in something asked and answered, and Philippians 3:13 has a man do one thing on purpose rather than wait to feel differently.
And do not correct anything they say. That is the rule.
If they describe it as fine, let it be fine. Do not supply the things you remember. Do not say yes but there was also.
Their record is not incomplete. It is a different record, and you asked for it.
You have been keeping one account, and another person's version has never once been a version that needed correcting. The Spirit of God is the one who works in something received without argument, and it is written that the forgetting is a thing done rather than a thing achieved.
And take theirs, deliberately, as the accurate one for tonight.
Not forever. Tonight. Let their version of last spring be the version of last spring, for one evening, and notice what that does to how you are sitting at the table.
You are able to borrow somebody else's record for an evening, and a household's own account has never once been a false account. It is written in Philippians 3 that this one thing I do, and the Spirit of God is the one at work in a woman who put something down on purpose.
So this is what I believe is going out over a woman who lay awake wondering who was right.
You are a woman allowed to leave something behind, and a memory that kept every mistake has never once been a record of this family. I am not telling you that you remembered wrongly. Philippians 3:13 says forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, and it is the Holy Spirit and not my saying so who had you lying awake comparing two accounts.
And this, which is the word I came with:
You have been holding the record of what it cost you, and a mother who remembers the difficult things has never once been a mother whose household was difficult. Scripture makes the forgetting a deliberate practice rather than a reward, and the Spirit of God is the one who hands a woman another version of her own year.
Ask one of them. Take their version tonight.
Declare this over yourself
- Six weeks last spring that I can list, you are accurate and you were never once the whole record of this household. Philippians 3:13 says forgetting those things which are behind, so by the Holy Spirit I ask for another account tonight, in the name of Jesus.
- Fear that I have been living in a worse house than my children have, you have never once been checked against what they actually experienced. The written word makes the forgetting a thing done on purpose, and by the Spirit of God I ask one of them and correct nothing.
- Father, You had a man call the forgetting his one practice while he was still reaching forward and had not arrived. Your word says it in Philippians 3, so by Your Spirit I take somebody else's version of my own year tonight.
Philippians 3:13
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